Buy of a Lifetime

By Amy Owens, The Singles Coach

There are two ways that people typically shop for a mate – the way a woman buys shoes and the way a man buys vehicles.

A woman buys shoes because of the way they look.  She sees a pair of shoes that appeals to her and instantly falls in love with them because of the way they look.  She tries them on.  If they fit, she buys them.  If they don’t, she makes excuses for why they don’t fit and buys them anyway.  Oprah did this all the time.  She would stride onto her show wearing a stylish pair of shoes, make glowing comments about the shoes to the audience, and then complain that they didn’t really fit.  She even coined the phrase, “10-minute shoes,” to describe shoes that were so uncomfortable that she could wear them for only ten minutes. 

​Alternatively, the woman who wants to buy comfortable shoes will try on a hundred pairs of shoes, eventually buying the ones that fit her well.

A man uses a different strategy for buying a car or truck.  He begins by deciding why he needs and wants the vehicle – for business, pleasure or a hobby.  He identifies the types of vehicles that might fit the bill.  He does research, typically a lot of research, which might include surfing the Internet, talking with experts, and talking with other people who already own a vehicle of the type he is considering. He studies up on repair records, warranties, vehicle styles, engine and transmission options, and accessories. He ponders whether to lease or to buy. He gathers information about prices, discounts, payment plans and interest rates.  He considers the long-term impact of his purchase on his lifestyle and his wallet.

He finally goes out to test drive his top choices and finds the one with the feel he is looking for.  He may buy the vehicle on the spot or go home to think about it for awhile – maybe even a long while.  Eventually, when he’s as sure as he can be about what he’s getting and what he’s getting himself into, he buys the vehicle and lives happily ever after.  If you ever talk with a man about the 20-year old vehicle he’s still driving, you’ll quickly discover that he’s a man in love. 

When buying a vehicle, a man does research, takes his time, and then commits for life. 

What are the biggest mistakes we can make when shopping for a mate?  1) Buying for looks and making excuses for what’s not right about the person or the relationship; or 2) Settling for a “better than nothing” relationship. 

​Probably the best way to shop for a mate is the way men shop for a vehicle.  ​

• First, get clear about who you are, why you want a mate, and what you are looking for in that person and in that relationship. 
• Then do some serious research about dating, relationships and mate selection which might include reading, counseling, and attending classes and workshops, plus some prayer. 
• The next step is to discuss, challenge, consider, and decide about what you’ve learned. 
• ​Next, meet new people by widening your sphere of social contacts.  Then take some test drives – first, second, and third dates where you look for a good fit.  Finally, review, reflect, consider, make your selection and commit to it for life. 

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Twenty years later, when people hear you talking about your mate, they will know they are talking to someone in love!