The Hole in the Parking Lot

​By Amy Owens, The Singles Coach

​Greg, a student in my singles course, emailed saying, “I’ve been giving a fair amount of thought to the ‘big hole in the parking lot’ you talked about in the workshop last week.  Although the metaphor helps women who might be apt to wait by the phone the same evening for the man to call, I believe it could help a number of men – including me.”

Greg went on to describe a wonderful first date with a woman he found particularly interesting.  He sent her an email the next day but got no response – for three days.  “I began to turn over in my mind what I had said or done that made her not only not want to meet a second time, but not even want to return my email.

”Finally, she called and told me she was still in a relationship.  In a way, it was a relief to learn that it really had nothing to do with me.  But, it probably would have helped immediately for me to imagine her being swallowed up by a big black hole.”

Ladies, the words “I’ll call you” are a multi-purpose tool in most men’s relationship toolbox.  When a man wants to see a woman again, he says he will call.  When he’s unsure about seeing her again, he says he will call.  If he doesn’t know what to say, he says he will call.  If he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, he says he will call.

​What happens for the woman is that she goes home and waits for his call.  Often that call never comes.   She feels confused, hurt, angry, disappointed – just as Greg did.

A woman can avoid this situation by imagining that a big hole opened in the parking lot after their date and that the man and his car were simply swallowed up – never to be seen or heard from again.  I further suggest that she simply go on with her life since there’s no possibility that she will see him again.

This silly metaphor actually works quite well.  She doesn’t sit by the phone waiting for his call.  She doesn’t start planning the kitchen they will have when they get married.  Instead, she carries on with her life.  When he calls - if he does - she is genuinely surprised and pleased to hear from him.

​Gentlemen, please do not say you will call unless you intend to.  Simply tell her you enjoyed meeting her.  Put a period at the end of that sentence and stop there.  And be careful as you exit the parking lot!