Puppy Love

​By Amy Owens, The Singles Coach

​Getting to know someone is similar to watching a puppy grow up.  There are blessings and surprises with both.  Cute puppies, for instance, sometimes turn out to be homely, aggressive or skittish when they grow up – anything but cute and cuddly.  Homely puppies, on the other hand, may turn out to be handsome, smart, protective, devoted companions.  And, like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re getting until you’ve taken a bite.

At one time or other, each of us, has had our heart stolen by a “cute puppy”.  He or she was the person who, at first, seemed to be the person we’d always hoped to find.  In him or her, we saw all the traits we wanted our significant other to have and imagined that we had at last located our soul mate.

​The key word is “imagined”.  Until we really get to know someone, our view of them – who and what they are – is largely imaginary.  We view them through the rosy-colored lenses of our imagination and our earnest longing to find our special person.   And, just like a prospective puppy owner in a puppy store, we’re ready to wrap up the little cutie and take him or her home with us – right now.

​This is how we get into inappropriate relationships – ones that are not right for us.  We meet someone who appears to have long-term potential for us, and then - with the delight and delirium of a puppy at play - we immediately take him or her home with us.

If I could, as a singles coach, offer only one piece of advice to dating singles, it would be to go slowly in new relationships.  Go slowly in order to get to know that puppy before deciding to take him or her home.  With humans, unlike with puppies, we get a trial period.  We can – and should - take our time getting to know the other person well.  There is no need to rush.

Can we make puppies grow up faster than they do? No.  Of course, not.  Yet, we sometimes expect to make human relationships develop instantly.  Silly, isn’t it?  We cannot make any relationship develop faster than it was meant to.  Our role in raising a puppy is to provide what the puppy needs, and let nature take its course.  As with a puppy, a human relationship will develop at its own pace, in its own time, and in its own natural way. 

Once started, a relationship will run its course, and the outcome is a mystery until it happens.  We cannot force it to be a certain way.  We can certainly influence its development, just the way we influence our puppy’s behavior with training, nurturing routines and clear, healthy boundaries.

Once a relationship is underway, our part is simply to show up and participate.  We must wait to see how it turns out and then make our decisions accordingly.