​​Greg, a student in my singles course, emailed saying, “I’ve been giving a fair amount of thought to the ‘big hole in the parking lot’ you talked about in the workshop last week.  Although the metaphor helps women who might be apt to wait by the phone the same evening for the man to call, I believe it could help a number of men – including me.”

Greg went on to describe a wonderful first date with a woman he found particularly interesting.  He sent her an email the next day but got no response – for three days.  “I began to turn over in my mind what I had said or done that made her not only not want to meet a second time, but not even want to return my email.

”Finally, she called and told me she was still in a relationship.  In a way, it was a relief to learn that it really had nothing to do with me.  But, it probably would have helped immediately for me to imagine her being swallowed up by a big black hole.”

Ladies, the words “I’ll call you” are a multi-purpose tool in most men’s relationship toolbox.  When a man wants to see a woman again, he says he will call.  When he’s unsure about seeing her again, he says he will call.  If he doesn’t know what to say, he says he will call.  If he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, he says he will call.

​Here’s something I’ve seen happen a number of times among my clients.  A single man or woman will enter into a dating relationship with someone who appears to have long-term potential for them.

The relationship will go well enough that they commit to it.  At an appropriate time, my client meets their partner’s extended family members who turn out to be nice people.  Very nice people who really like my client and welcome them into their fold.  My client is invited and participates in that family’s holiday and milestone celebrations, fitting in as though they really belong there.  The family makes it known that they are happy to know them and very happy that they are partnered with their family member.

All is well – or so it seems.

​Getting to know someone is similar to watching a puppy grow up.  There are blessings and surprises with both.  Cute puppies, for instance, sometimes turn out to be homely, aggressive or skittish when they grow up – anything but cute and cuddly. Homely puppies, on the other hand, may turn out to be handsome, smart, protective, devoted companions.  And, like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re getting until you’ve taken a bite.

​​This is how we get into inappropriate relationships – ones that are not right for us.  We meet someone who appears to have long-term potential for us, and then - with the delight and delirium of a puppy at play - we immediately take him or her home with us.