I Have a Dream

​By Amy Owens, The Singles Coach

This week I heard someone talk about Martin Luther King and why he was so effective.  The speaker noted that Dr. King did not rail against or about what he didn't like.  He didn't present a specific plan.  He didn't demand others to follow his plan.  Instead, Dr. King had a dream, and he generously shared his dream with anyone who would listen.

It's one thing to protest and say what we don't like or don't want.  It's another thing to ask and advocate for what we do want.

​This also applies to attracting our Mr. or Ms. Right.  If we only know what we don't want, that is where our forward progress will stop.  For multiple reasons.  1)  We're focused on and energizing the notion of what we don't want.  This will result in our getting more of what we don't want.  That's because we always get more of what we focus on.  2) We are not focused on what we do want, so the "Cosmic Dating Service" doesn't know what to bring us.  For example, if someone asks me to go grocery shopping for them but only tells me what they don't want, what are the chances I will get them what they do want?  Slim to none, wouldn't you say?

Yet we tend to do just that when we're single and looking.  We focus on what we don't want and "advertise" that anyone who will listen.

A much better strategy is to begin building the type of life we want to live when we're partnered, and to generously share our dream with anyone who will listen.

Thirty years ago, shortly after my divorce, I took an introduction to computers course.  Yes, this was back in the early days of the digital age.  After completing the course, I knew that I wanted a computer of my own with Word Perfect software.  I didn't have any money at the time, but I had a dream.  I told anyone who would listen, "I want a computer with Word Perfect, and I don't want to have to pay for it."  Bold.  Gutsy.  Absolutely.

How'd that work out?  Within a month, I had a networking luncheon with a colleague I'd never met.  I shared my computer dream with her.  She responded with excitement.  After explaining that her four brother were into computers, she shared that she owned three computers.  She used one at home, and one at work.  The third one was out on loan to a friend, but it was due to be returned in two weeks.  Then she said the magic words, "I'd like to lend that computer to you so it doesn't have to sit in my basement collecting dust.  I will also lend you a printer to go with it." Then she said the magic words, "I'd like to lend that computer to you so it doesn't have to sit in my basement collecting dust.  I will also lend you a printer to go with it."

​Can you imagine my joy?  Oh, yes.  I used that computer daily for a year until I was able to buy one for myself.  

A dream life starts with a dream.  What's yours?