When a Man Loves a Woman

By Amy Owens, The Singles Coach

​​The world is populated by simplifiers and complicators.  We need both. Together, they make the world go around.
 
As a general rule, men are simplifiers. Women are complicators.
 
Men have the innate capacity for boiling down the complex to a few valuable nuggets. One of those nuggets relates to what is important in life.  For most men, it goes something like this:  Get a good education so you can get a good job so you can support your family; find a beautiful woman that you can make happy. It’s that simple. Find a beautiful woman and make her happy.

OK, why doesn’t every couple live happily ever after?  Lots of reasons: 1) Women don’t know this; and 2) Women resist letting men know what will make them happy.

​​​Back when I was studying John Gray’s Mars/Venus model of love relationships, the one most important nugget I gleaned was that a man’s number one goal in a relationship with a woman is to make her happy. When I first heard it, I was incredulous. You’ve got to be kidding.  It didn’t jibe with all the stories of abuse and mistreatment I’d heard from my clients through the years.

Confused, I did a little research on my own. I talked with a number of men, some in private meetings and others in my classes and workshops – with women present. The result was a resounding, yes.  A man wants to please his woman. That simple. He sees her, pursues her, wins her, and then sets about doing whatever he can to make her happy. He’s all in. Period.

You see, on Mars every man was trained to be self-sufficient and independent. He relied on his own resources. If he needed help, he asked for it. On Earth, he assumes that if she needs help or wants something from him, she will ask for it.

On Venus, women being highly intuitive could sense what another woman needed. They took great pride in providing other women what they needed without being asked.

On Earth, a woman is apt to think, “If he really loved me, he’d know what I really want. I wouldn’t have to tell him.”  Sorry, Sally. It doesn’t work that way in relationships with men. A woman needs to tell her man what will make her happy. She needs to say, “I like…I want…I would like to have…I wish we could…Something that would make me happy…Let’s…”​

​She needs to frame her requests as requests. Simply. Directly. Matter-of-factly, playfully, even seductively. They all work because he is already predisposed to make her happy.

“When a man loves a woman, he’d…sleep out in the rain if she said that’s the way it ought to be…Cause baby, baby, baby, you’re my world.”