​​The world is populated by simplifiers and complicators.  We need both. Together, they make the world go around.
 
As a general rule, men are simplifiers. Women are complicators.
 
Men have the innate capacity for boiling down the complex to a few valuable nuggets. One of those nuggets relates to what is important in life.  For most men, it goes something like this:  Get a good education so you can get a good job so you can support your family; find a beautiful woman that you can make happy. It’s that simple. Find a beautiful woman and make her happy.

​​Greg, a student in my singles course, emailed saying, “I’ve been giving a fair amount of thought to the ‘big hole in the parking lot’ you talked about in the workshop last week.  Although the metaphor helps women who might be apt to wait by the phone the same evening for the man to call, I believe it could help a number of men – including me.”

Greg went on to describe a wonderful first date with a woman he found particularly interesting.  He sent her an email the next day but got no response – for three days.  “I began to turn over in my mind what I had said or done that made her not only not want to meet a second time, but not even want to return my email.

”Finally, she called and told me she was still in a relationship.  In a way, it was a relief to learn that it really had nothing to do with me.  But, it probably would have helped immediately for me to imagine her being swallowed up by a big black hole.”

Ladies, the words “I’ll call you” are a multi-purpose tool in most men’s relationship toolbox.  When a man wants to see a woman again, he says he will call.  When he’s unsure about seeing her again, he says he will call.  If he doesn’t know what to say, he says he will call.  If he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, he says he will call.

​I recently heard a crisis expert say, "We are all seeking nurture, closeness and reassurance now."

Yes, this is a time when we all want to connect and to feel connected to other people.  The longing and the need to connect may be even stronger for single people - especially if we don't have or don't feel connected to a family or a cohesive group of supportive friends.  I believe this is a time when singles might be tempted to rush into relationships we would have shunned in more "normal" times.

​A case in point is a 30-year old woman who registered for Dating Boot Camp in early September.  She had never married and wasn't dating anyone at the time she registered.  Four weeks later, she emailed me, "I've met a wonderful man, and I'm not going to need your classes!!!"

In a subsequent phone conversation, she gleefully told me that she and her "wonderful man" are planning to get married in mid-January.  They have only known each other for a month, and they are planning their wedding!  I truly hope it works out for them, but I am very concerned - for both of them.

​Relationships, all relationships, take time to develop.  If we try to rush the process, we make mistakes.  A cake takes a certain amount of time to bake, and we cannot take it out of the oven just because "we can't wait."  If we do, we end up with a soggy, gooey mess - a disappointment to everyone.

​Here’s something I’ve seen happen a number of times among my clients.  A single man or woman will enter into a dating relationship with someone who appears to have long-term potential for them.

The relationship will go well enough that they commit to it.  At an appropriate time, my client meets their partner’s extended family members who turn out to be nice people.  Very nice people who really like my client and welcome them into their fold.  My client is invited and participates in that family’s holiday and milestone celebrations, fitting in as though they really belong there.  The family makes it known that they are happy to know them and very happy that they are partnered with their family member.

All is well – or so it seems.